Why do we lose friends as we get older?

When I moved to Australia, I remember the day I said goodbye to my parents.  There we stood in the car park - my dad burst into tears, which was quite jarring for me because I think it was the 3rd time in my entire life I had ever seen him cry. I was 38 years old at the time. Now ten years have flown by and while I’ve gone home to the US almost every year and I call my parents regularly, I notice I spend more time with my family and less with friends during my US visits. 

I’m conscious of this because now that I’ve launched my own business, my online profile might pop up to some old friends who I’ve lost touch with over the years.  This has me thinking, why have some of my friendships fizzled???

Let’s see, some of the reasons could be:

·       I’ve coupled up or they’ve coupled up?

·       I’ve moved countries?

·       My kids are in different stages or maybe because they didn’t have kids?

·       Maybe our interests have changed?

·       Maybe the friendship was one-sided?

·       Maybe pride or embarrassment got in the way?

Nonetheless, with launching my new business I decided I needed to be All Hands In – I have to put myself out there.  I reached out to some old friends and wow did I get a surprise.  Some of them were ecstatic to hear from me, some didn’t flinch.  But the dear friends I was hoping to reconnect with, were more beautiful than I imagined. 

What I realised after a few heartfelt phone conversations was that the emotional bond was still there.  I shed tears when two dear friends told me that letting our friendship fizzle was a mistake they regretted and that they were so happy to be in touch with me again.   

What is the relevance to all of this you ask?  It kinda relates to one of the most watch Ted Talks of all time: The Power of Vulnerability: Ted Talk by Brene Brown

If we don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable, then we won’t experience much of the joy life has to offer – new relationships, new jobs, new home.And if we make a go of changing jobs or even careers, we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable when reaching out to old connections.The worse thing that can happen is silence and the best thing that could happen is pure JOY.So let this encourage any of you who are missing an old friend or colleague, to write them a note of thanks or ask them how they are. Most people will appreciate that you thought of them and the ones that matter will want to reconnect with you.